I dreamt about my ex-boyfriend the other night and I woke up feeling all angry. I don’t know why.

And just now, I stumbled upon his Facebook profile. He’s happily in love with a new girl. Not the girl whom she cheated me on. This is some nice looking girl.. So what have I found out by clicking through his pictures? They’re happy. They’re madly in love and happy.

Then it struck me. Why can’t I be like him? All my ex-es have happily moved on with their life. Why can’t I be like them? I wanna be happy too. I wanna be happy inside and out. I want happiness to ooze out of me until people are sick because of me being optimistically happy.

Well, for one, they betrayed my trust. They made me miserable. They made me feel unwanted and unworthy. They made me feel all bitter about myself that I don’t trust myself to fall in love with anyone. I may look happy. But the truth is I don’t. Sometimes I feel good about myself but sometimes I feel like hiding in some place that no one will disturb me.

I have to change for the better. I really want to move on. Not just from my heartbroken pasts, but for the better future. I need, and want, to change. I want to feel good being myself for once.

Let’s start 2010 with new beginnings. No more whining and no more self-pity. 2010 will be filled with happy things and thoughts. I really hope I’ll do it well. Amin…

See you next year! Happy holidays! :D

Sometimes I feel like hitting myself on the head over and over again.

Why?

………

Because of the endless questions.. Is he The One? Is he really the one for me? What if he’s not? What if he’s just the same like any other men??

I know I can get mighty stupid in this area. This happens to me all the time… and in the end, I’m still single. I tend to shoo men away from me once I got close to them.

Why? Because I’m not ready? Because I’m scared?

Why do I even bother answering my own questions anyway? It’s just so typical of the human nature to have answers to everything. We make excuses for everything. Why can’t we just ponder upon the question and be silent?

No. We can’t.

See?? I can’t stop answering my own questions. In a blog post!! How lonely can I get?!

I guess this is just one of those weeks.. A week full of crappy things.

Well, no. Not really.

I’m just lonely…

A belated Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all of you!

I’ve been busy, and tired. I am so tired. Not with life..but with people. Some people never learn from mistakes.

Take care!

I found this in Thylacine’s Lair. A poem by Omer B. Washington. Enjoy reading! I know I did.. :)

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don’t care back.
And it’s not the end of the world.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life,
but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself
to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.
I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people,
It’s what they do about it.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done
regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don’t know how to show it.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t five me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I’ve learned taht your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned to love
and be loved.
I’ve learned..

It’s here! Ramadhan’s here! My favourite month of all.. :)


Dapatkan Mesej Bergambar di Sini

Happy fasting! :D

I can barely open my eyes but I still cannot sleep. Darn.. I should’t have had that cup of coffee at midnight.. :P

I’ve been very busy these past few weeks… with work, datelines, weddings and all the makan2 things. These sort of events tend to escalade just before Ramadhan. Well, you know… Mau jua kan celebrate Ramadhan & Syawal with suami/isteri tercinta. How corny can I be? :D

Oh well, haven’t got anything to blog really.. So, I wish everyone an advanced Happy Ramadhan~ (Just in case I have blogger’s block lagi.. hehe)

Have a nice day! :D

I tend to blog when I’m miserable. Ever notice that? :P I couldn’t sleep well. Stayed up until 5am and woke up at 7am. So I spend about 3 bloody hours clicking random blogs which were listed in the Simpur Blogs list. Guess what? I’m still miserable.

I didn’t know why Harith acted different last night. I couldn’t even remember what I said to him the other morning. When I asked him about it, he simply avoided my question. Way to go H! You made me sleepless and miserable. I hate these men. Men who have PMS. F you all!! I’m having my bloody period right now and I was never mean to you! F!! Ooops.. :P

I wanna talk to someone.. anyone… But no one’s up yet. My contact list is empty except for someone I recently blocked in MSN.

Way to have a holiday.. Swine flu please disappear!

P.s. I’m miserable when someone’s mad at me..

P.p.s. I’m extremely miserable when I’m sleep deprived.

I love Brunei. I love to be a Bruneian. I love His Majesty the Sultan and Yang Di-Pertuan of Brunei Darussalam.

Yes, everyone must have seen, heard or read the news about HM’s Titah the other day. For that I really think that he deserves a very happy birthday!

All the ministers must have been in a state of shock because of that Titah. Seriously, they should have thought of everything before getting slapped hard in the face publicly. But then, this would allow the public to know exactly what’s going on in the Government. Poor you, the robots.. :P

I also love Brunei Times for these articles.. Click here, here, here and here.

HM definitely rocks! Happy 63rd Birthday Your Majesty! :D

I feel extremely miserable today. Deep down inside, I am still waiting for Daniel, the one whom I loved the most. No one knows this. But I just found out last night that he’s already engaged.. or soon to be engaged. Whatever. The main thing is he’s got another girl already.

I am devastated because he lied to me. What is it with me and liars? I tend to be so emotionally attached to these types. So attached that I hurt someone.. Harith.. I felt bad because I woke him up in the middle of the night just to chat on the phone. He called me alright, but he asked me what was wrong. I broke down. So there I was.. crying on the phone about some stupid idiot and hurting someone who’s in love with me. What is wrong with me?

I have issues. I want these stupid cryings over some idiot gone! I just wish Harith won’t be mad at me.. I think he knows how I feel..because he had been in that situation before. The only consolation he gave me was that I finally got my closure. So that I won’t think about him anymore.

I feel a bit better now that I let it all out. :)

By the way, no vacations for me. My friends have been quarantined due to H1N1 and I’m just paranoid. So I’m just going to clean my house and finish up the Clorox. :P

Have a good week everyone!

Alas.. Zed’s just another fling. Well, I should have known better.. Wait, I know better.

Well, life’s too short to dwell on someone like him and be mopey all day long. :)

I am in need of a vacation! What with the school holidays and all.. Oooh.. I envy those children.. I long to be somewhere cool and someplace where I can shop all day.. I’m thinking of taking a July vacation. I love browsing for these kinda things!

I love you, internet!

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